elder-helper

Dos & Don'ts of Complaining

There is a proper etiquette to complaining. Believe it or not, some people are reluctant to complain. When the time comes to
complain about anything, there is a proper etiquette that you should follow. Unless the issue involves the following people, you
should start in this order. If you are unsatisfied with the results then work your way up the list. Start with the social worker, then
the director of nursing, then the administrator, then your local ombudsman, then your state agency and lastly your state attorney
general's office. It is not usually effective to complain to the physician, a nurse aide or other family members. If you have an issue,
you deserve to be heard and have the issue resolved. You want to be effective not punitive. When complaining, follow the below
do's and don'ts

Don'ts

"Don't threaten to call the state or an attorney." These are considered threats and are not very constructive. The facility has heard
this kind of statement millions of times and they are usually immune to it. You cannot scare them into doing what you want, it
rarely works. Unfortunately, state inspectors are also somewhat immune to this also. They are obligated to follow up on any
complaints. Each state has different guidelines on how fast they are required to investigate a complaint. Can you imagine how
many loony complaints they must hear in a given year? There is a certain "boy who cried wolf" syndrome. In my experience, the
majority of investigated complaints end up being classified as "unsubstantiated" meaning, the state found nothing to support the
complaint. There are of course exceptions, some that make the local news i.e. murders, homicides, theft, etc. If you feel the need
to complain to the state health department or consult an attorney, I recommend that you simply just do it and don't broadcast it.
Your goal is to resolve an issue, not to give yourself or your family a bad reputation. Why would you want to give the facility
time to prepare a defense anyway?

"Don't try to pit the staff against each other." This will almost always backfire. Any attempt to resolve issues by complaining to
the front line staff about other staff almost never works. This may be perceived as an attempt to embarrass or coerce the
management staff.

"Don't complain to the wrong person." Just like the above example, make sure you speak to someone with authority to help you.
Complaining to a nurse aide about mistakes on your bill or being denied Medicare insurance will not only not help your problem
but it may make you look crazy. Also remember the proper order. Don't ask to speak to the nursing home administrator
because your mom's breakfast was cold. You should speak to someone lower in rank but still able to help like the social worker
or floor nurse.

"Don't drag other families into your business." Certainly network with and speak to others but don't involve them in your
personal problems. For one, you might think they are your friend but they almost always talk and tell others what you said and
what you are going through. The staff are professional and maintain confidentiality, non-medical people will not. There is no need
and there is nothing to be gained by hurting the homes reputation with others. Your issue may be an isolated incident caused by
one rogue employee. The facility needs time to deal with issues and shouldn't be punished as a whole for the actions of one
person.

Dos

"Do - be objective." Try not to be emotional, accusatory or loud. State the facts as you know them. Tell the person what
happened and what you expect to be done. Try to remain calm and matter-of-fact as much as possible.

"Do - take notes." When you speak to a staffer, write down their name, the date and time. Write down the day they claim the
issue will be addressed. Also write down the date you were contacted and what was said.

"Do - follow up if you are unsatisfied with the way the issue was handled, be vigilant." Work your way up the chain of command
and keep complaining. If you reach the administrator and you are still unsatisfied, politely tell them that you will be seeking the
services of the local ombudsman. Just this statement alone may or may not help you get resolution. If not, pursue your local
ombudsman for help. From there, if you are still unsatisfied, contact your state agency.

"Do - provide current contact information." Make sure the facility has your current contact information. Phone numbers (cell
included), mailing address, email, etc. Make sure they have an alternative contact in case you are unavailable.

"Do - make your wishes plain and clear." This may seem obvious but make sure the person you speak with is clear as to what
you want as resolution. For example, if you simply complain that the food is cold, the staffer may resolve the issue by having
your loved one eat in the dining room instead of their room. Unless you specify that you want the food delivered quicker and
warmer, the issue may not be solved the way you were expecting.